Interdenominational Light Bulb Changing

Cameron Buettel makes some strikingly astute, strikingly funny, observations concerning light bulb changing. –JB

Interdenominational Light Bulb Changing

How many Calvinists does it take to change a light bulb?
None – God has predestined when the lights will be on and when they will be off.

How many Arminians does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one – but first the light bulb must make a decision for change.

How many Charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?
One – because his hands are already up in the air anyway.

How many Baptists does it take to change a light bulb?
CHANGE???!!!

How many Pentecostals does it take to change a light bulb?
ten – one to change the light bulb and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.

How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?
One – but for the message of the light to continue please sow your seed . . .

How many Fundamentalists does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one – because any more would be compromise and ecumenical.

How many Charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?
None – unless the Lord leads you to change it.

How many Dispensationists does it take to change a light bulb?
Two – one to change the bulb and one to keep the promises to the old bulb (ok a little abstract)

How many Promise Keepers does it take to change a light bulb?
None – unless coach MacCartney says it’s manly to do so.

How many Hyper Calvinists does it take to change a light bulb?
None – only God knows if the light bulb is one of the elect and every Calvinist knows that only God can change a light bulb.

How many Episcopalians does it take to change a light bulb?
None – they assume darkness is the nature of the bulb but it would be harmful and disrespectful to violate the personality of the bulb.

How many Evolutionists does it take to change a light bulb?
None – it will change by itself.

How many Lutherans does it take to change a light bulb?
Seventeen – five to form a commitee to find and nominate nine people for an open discussion on the issues of bulb changing so they can appoint a final commitee of three people to draft a final resolution about the bulb change of which one will change the bulb, one will supervise the bulb changing procedure, and the other will return a month later to check the performance of the bulb.

How many Seventh Day Adventists does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one – as long as it isn’t on Saturday.

How many Atheists does it take to change a light bulb?
One – but they’re still in darkness.

How many Seeker Friendlies does it take to change a light bulb?
Is that what the light bulb wants?

How many Emergents does it take to change a light bulb?
It all depends on what reality the light bulb chooses to live in.

How many “Liberal Christians” does it take to change a light bulb?
111 – 27 to reconstruct the dilapidated house that a burnt out bulb would be found in, 15 to set up a food and clothes pantry for those working on the house and those who will soon live in the house, 8 scholars to think of new ways of understanding light, three more scholars to discuss how much we’ve misunderstood the bulb, 32 to love the old bulb in the same way that Jesus loved bulbs, and 26 to love the new bulb the same way.

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